"Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 3 years since my last...Blog post. I began this Blog in 2011 because I felt the urge to share what was on my heart (and in my mind) regarding what I saw happening in my Church and in our world. Why did I stop? I think I wrote in one of my blogs that I needed to "hunker down" and pray about the issues, as I was beginning to feel helpless and hopeless at what I saw happening in our world, and in what I described as "dark days in my Church".
These past few years, I have further cultivated meditation and more specifically, "mindfulness" into my life. I have been doing yoga for many years, but doing "mindful yoga" has brought that experience to a much deeper level. Through "Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction" or "MBSR", I have learned that the only thing I have control over in any particular moment, is the attention I pay to a particular thing, in a particular moment in time. And if that means focussing on "breathing in and breathing out", and that's what it takes to center me, then that's what I am called to do, in that moment.
Being mindfully present, allows us to appreciate all of our Blessings and I am humbled at my own. I have a husband who is truly the love of my life. He keeps me grounded and at times, "sane", and he loves me probably more than I deserve. My five children are my greatest accomplishments and each one of them makes me so proud to be their mom. My husband and I are Blessed with financial resources to care for our children and help launch them into adulthood, as well as help others who continue to struggle in this still struggling economy.
So why am I back? I have begun to have those old familiar stirrings within me, that are bubbling up to the surface and need a constructive outlet. Additionally, since my last Blog post, we have a new Pope and we are in the midst of a new Presidential Election cycle. Looking back on some of my blog posts on my frustration at my Church leadership, I can't help but pause and celebrate, that at least my Church, under the wise leadership of Pope Francis, is taking baby steps in addressing some of the issues I was raising three years ago. My Pastor once said of me, "Mary is like the canary in the coal mine. She sees things long before others do." Unfortunately, if there is toxic gas in the coal mine, the canary doesn't come out. I left this Blog so as not to become overwhelmed by my frustration at the dysfunction in my Church leadership and in our world. I am back because I see, at least my Church, moving in a direction that reflects more of what I always thought my Church was called to be: a place of openness and welcome for all people and one that challenges us to recognize the dignity of human life from conception until natural death, and all the sticky issues in-between. Someone once said, "God draws straight with crooked lines". God has certainly done that with me and my own imperfections, and I am beginning to see this to some degree, in the direction of my Church.
As I look at the issues being discussed in this Presidential Election cycle, I am happy to see that we are also taking "baby steps" on the issue of the pervasive gun violence in our country. Some of the candidates are finally ready to discuss this issue. I am saddened at how many more deaths to gun violence it has taken since Newtown, to move this discussion forward.
So I am back because I still feel I have something to offer on these and other issues. I come with a desire to have a positive impact on issues I care about. I hope to bring more people into the discussion and I also hope to broaden my own understanding on issues of importance in my Church and in our world. My biggest weakness is my hypocrisy at times, being less open minded than I claim to be. Some issues are so important and so "basic" to me, that I often allow my "Irish anger" to get in the way of peaceful dialogue. I own this.
This Blog is called "Voices in the Vineyard" but I need to share that my perspective on "the vineyard" has evolved over the past three years. I still identify as a Catholic Christian, but my understanding of how God lives and acts in our world is not limited to "the seven sacraments". And yes, I have much to say about one of those sacraments in particular, and that will be the topic of my next installment, "Stop Pouring New Wine into Old Wine Skins". Yes, I'm "going there". "There" being, "Marriage equality and the need for a new Theology on Marriage".
I hope you'll join me.
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